Tonight

Its been awhile since i last cried over anything other than a movie.
Tonight i did. cause i really wanted everyone to just understand why everyone is upset. and fix ourselves. i dont wanna be rude. i just really think we should talk things out nicely. but its always tough talking to dad. and i just kinda lost it a little. but hopefully things will be back to normal tmr.

also, i feel a little empty tonight. like..maybe the magic of phuket is wearing off. idk. or maybe cause mum mentioned some stuff tonight. stuff that made me realise that i still dont.. ... nvm . its probably the magic of phuket wearing off.

dear me, dont be in a hurry. take it slow. take it easy. learn from the past. know them. make sure you know them more. and make sure they love you for who you really are. not just the face, not just what they think and who they think you are. and thn.. make sure you pick the one you love... not just for the face. 

Stories to tell

Recent movies that i've watched:

Iron Man, Saving General Yang, The Host, Family weekend and Silver Linings Playbook.

Family weekend got me in tears. but the rest are all pretty good too. my days are packed. i like them to be. makes me feel like i've put my time to good use. cause things might change in 10 days. and i just wanna spend time with everyone. :)

" "

Let me be patient,
Let me be kind.
Make me unselfish,
Without being blind.

I may have faith
to make mountains fall
but if i lack love
then i'm nothing at all.

fall seven times, get up eight.

phuket treated me well. and now that i'm back, i'm just happy every time i think about what happened to us while we were there. thank you nonsensical fan for being a great company on this trip. i'm so glad we made it back alive.

long story short,

phuket saw us at patong beach every morning under the colourful umbrellas, occasionally going for a dip in the sea and jumping as each wave attempted to swallow us, and me trying to just chillax and float on the sea water and failing every time. Visiting the fruit stall every morning before we hit the beach, and sometimes we take a little longer to get to the beach cause we let ourselves get distracted by shops selling nice bikinis. went there with 5 sets of bikini, came back with 11 (1 for sam) and 3 beach mats or whatever you call it. Parasailed, Jetski-ed twice and almost died. no joke we really almost died out at sea cause the jetski broke down and capsized and we were not wearing lifejackets and my camera was wet and died. but we saw a jellyfish (only comfort). fortunately the parasailing dude spotted us and came to our rescue. Fan went elephant trekking and i touched the elephant; and they were surprisingly rough. Appreciating the sunset at promthep cape which was really beautiful i wish i could see it everyday. Also went to viewpoint and had dinner with our very cheeky driver, tony. Got tigers on our back and regretted it instantly cause mine looks like a pussycat. saw a little bit of firework after a good dinner and ate alot of street food which i rly love. checked out a cheap book store in phuket town and bought books. shopping at weekend market and getting vintage tops for 2sgd each. ice cream ice cream ice cream, coconut coconut coconut, fan went for massage. i love thailand. and i love phuket.

but now, i'll get ready. approx 15 days. i will be alright. :)

Trying not to hate you but it's kinda hard

What the fuck? Huh? What the fuck are you trying to do?

It's like. I know i said that nth matters anymore and I mean it but it would be comforting to know that at least you were telling me the truth you know. Like for once. But no. No. No. No. You are a liar and I don't know how many times I've said this. Fucking lying piece of shit. Don't even think. Don't even try. I can only despise you. one more time, and i rly mean it, one more time you come and screw w my emotions with your sugar coated words, I'll make sure I blow your cover. 

Right now just make sure you stay the fuck out of my life. As much as you can. 

plans and alot of birthday parties

Plans:

1. call me superficial but i've had enough of my ugly stretch marks and i really want to go for that laser stretch mark removal procedure.

2. finding an appropriate location to host my bday party is giving me such a headache. and heartache cause so expensive all. TSK.

3. counting down to my trip. 4 more days! gonna take 1 million pictures of the sea and the sun and my beautiful travel mate.

Attended yongming and dennis's bday party which was held at the ocean suite. and was pretty fucking cool. just that i lost 50 bucks there. i think. but its ok. how many 50 bucks can one lose in their life right.

tmr is monday again. AND I DONT HAVE TO WORK:) gonna go swim thn meet my new friends for shopping. also, today was damn good cause i got to know that 2 of my girl friends got through their reviews. So damn happy for them. and sunday was basically about free pizza, drumlets, sun, shades, grass, ants, alot alot of laughter with my poly girlies. realised that i've known them for 4 years. also, i rly miss viv. hope she'll be back soon. and thn we can have a proper reunion. :) soon girls, soon!

what the night does to one

tmr is my last day of work at my current work place and i'm so glad that its going to be over cause that job really isnt suitable for me. so after i finish counting down to the end of working at the office, i'll be looking forward to my trip to thailand with Fan:) gonna have alot of fun. and enjoy myself before training starts. I hope my life is taking a turn for the better. and no stupid guys or girls come and ruin it for me. i just wanna be happy. and right now, i am. i met kianru today and we went shopping. fruitful shopping. and same old routine with me telling her about all the things happening in my life now. but its good. its always good when i meet kianru.

and thn i came home and looked through my krabi pics. made me so happy. fried rice by the beach, pony ride, tampon, puke bag, monkey, scooter ride, kitty cat, pick up ride, night breeze, stars and music by the beach, sunset, shouting sawadee to every passing vehicle, best travel companion. i think the only thing that i was feeling sad about was the fact that you were not happy when i was there. which made me feel like you can't stand seeing me happy. and you made me feel like that again. but i'm not gonna talk about it. no no no.

" you're this cheerful girl yknow. so if being with him makes you question yourself and make you feel like you're not enough thn he is not good for you." this, i will always remember. thanks advisors. for always having my back. *blow kisses*

goodnight

stop stopping.

the word is " if"

Weekend

my weekend starts on friday after work. so this weekend that just passed saw me meeting up with the ex colleagues. and i just realised that we forgot to take a group picture. but ok, it was good to see everyone again. :) also, it was my virgin experience at sheesha and... uhm.. it felt like nothing. 

Sat was all about guanjie's birthday party at MBS and i think it was a really good day for me cause i felt really happy that night. happy cause i got to meet so many of my long lost secondary school friends. i always tell ppl that the happiest part of my schooling life would have to be the time i spent in secondary school cause i met so many great people there so seeing that many of them there that night made me happy. talking to them and catching up abit made me happier. should've brought my camera though. oh well. 

and thn today me and my brother went down to mumu's shop to surprise her and bro fixed a bracelet for me. #freestuff 

thn my wallet had to bleed again cause i spent some more on friend's birthday present. thn grandma's. 

life is pretty peaceful for me now. i feel happy but i feel like i need to feel something more. something that would make me feel more... alive. idk. but anyway, i'm going to phuket with fan. and i hope we get to parasail and snorkel and eat alot and enjoy the sun. 

meanwhile, i predict i'll be late for work tmr. 

NTS;

mon. dinner @ rochester

tues. untitled mission

wed. yoga

thurs. cousin's bday party

fri. dinner @ thai place 

21ST

I KNOW ITS DAMN EARLY BUT PEOPLE ARE ALREADY ASKING ME ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY PLANS AND WHAT I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

DONT ANYHOW SPEND ON USELESS THINGS FOR ME OK.
I TELL YOU ALL WHAT I WANT BUT LET ME THINK FIRST.

LAPTOP BATT LEFT 3% AND I AM DAMN LAZY TO GET THE CHARGER SO... THIS IS GONNA BE A POINTLESS ENTRY. IN CAPS. CAUSE.... I JUST FEEL LIKE IT.

Late night thoughts

"You think we'll make it?"
*silence*

its always that silence. that silence when you cannot give an answer.
but you dont realise that you've already answered me. with that silence.

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went for body combat class with serena today and i think i'll have muscle aches tmr.
also, i'm quite hungry now but there is nth to eat.
8 more working days till the end of working at this current work place.
#i can do this