try holding in your tears for 12 hours. You feel like puking but you cannot do that cause you will lose weight. You don't wanna talk but you are surrounded by the people you love and you just can't let them worry. So you managed to hold it in till you're home and thn you run into the shower to finally let it out with the water running so your mum and dad cannot hear you. after that, you sit on the toilet seat for about 10 minutes so your eyes are not red when you come out. This probably sounds funny. cause its been 5 months. and i'm still writing about and crying over the same thing even though i keep saying that its the last time. i'm more than just a fool. But this part is the part that hurts the most. I don't think i've been this upset since the start of the year. Maybe it was because of the rough week i had. Maybe cause tmr its monday again and i have to work. or Maybe because bleeding week is nearing. but definitely it was cause you really broke my heart. you always do. its what you do best, whether we are together or not. whether i see you or not. and its partly my fault for letting this happen again and again cause i always forget how painful it could end up for me. i just thought i needed to be happy for awhile and i thought this would make me happier. it did for awhile. but just for awhile. and the unhappiness that came along with it was totally not worth it at all.
The only comfort today would be the old folks.
They ate with their hands and i don't think they know what they are talking about. Their children are not with them. I opened the sticks of ice cream and passed it to them. and i could tell that they are happy. Possibly happier thn what i was today. and it was comforting to know that there is still something constructive a person this sad could do.
Dear me, it may take you 3 whole years. or even longer. and its going to be hard. but you'll be happier after that. You and him are bad together.
Please let today be the saddest day this year can be for me. Please.
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